Maybe you’ve had the experience of cruising along in life, work, or ministry, thinking you’re doing just fine, when someone knocks on your productivity party with an unwanted question: “Why did you do that?” or “Why did you say that?”
Give me a “what” question any day. I can handle someone questioning what I do. I’ll own a mistake. But when someone pokes around with why, I feel my defenses rise. “Why” cuts deeper. “Why” questions aren’t about the facts—they’re about the heart. And God is deeply interested in the heart. In God’s view, results aren’t the only thing that matter. Motives matter. A lot.
Why is “Why?” So Important?
When we’re doing something good—especially in ministry—it’s easy to assume our motives are pristine. Yet there may be no better place to shelter selfish desires than inside acts of service. Service is supposed to be self-giving. Yet even service can be tailor-made to stroke ego, gain approval, or fuel a hunger for significance. Many church divisions don’t actually stem from doctrinal issues, but from defensive people unwilling to have their motives questioned. They’ll debate theology, argue over polity, or split over nuances—but rarely ask the heart-level question: “Why does this matter so much to me?”
Paul wasn’t afraid to go there. He warned the Corinthians, “If I understand all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Cor. 13:2). That’s a sobering line for the most gifted among us. Knowledge isn’t a substitute for love, and results can never redeem impure motives. Love goes to “why”.
This applies to more than what we do. It also affects what we say. We live in a talking culture. Podcasts, interviews, talk shows, commentary—it’s non-stop conversation. I love good dialogue. But the danger is that we start thinking we can talk as if it’s all harmless, just intellectual banter. Scripture says otherwise: “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). Our words reveal our hearts. You can’t fake it forever.
When our inner world isn’t open to scrutiny, our outer world will eventually collapse.
Inviting Others to Ask “Why”
I recently did something that was simple but not easy: I invited the people closest to me—my wife, kids, friends—to hold me accountable not just for what I say and do, but why I do it. That was hairy. It’s humbling to open that window of evaluation to the motives level. But it’s necessary. Because without “why,” we’re only dealing with half the truth. My link to biblical reality depends on keeping that question in the room.
And this is critical for any leader who wants to serve others well. We need people around us who can ask questions that aren’t filtered through flattery. We need elders, mentors, and friends who love us enough to hold up a mirror and say, “Let’s look at the heart.” Because eventually the cracks will show. Cloaking impure motives behind good results only lasts so long. The veneer always crumbles. And when it does, you’ll be grateful for the mirrors—the honest friends—who helped you deal with your heart before it all collapsed.
So here’s a word of encouragement: Don’t stop at “what.” Go deeper. Surround yourself with people who will help you live in the truth by starting with why.
Today’s Tenacious Questions
Is there anyone in your life who’s free to ask you the “why” questions? And what happens in your heart when someone questions your motives for the “good” things you’re doing?
Prayer
Lord God, you know the inner heart of every man. You see all the intertwining motives—good and bad—that factor in my every decision. You know all this, and you love me. Thank you for your mercy. And please surround me with men and women after your own heart who will help me in the fight to keep mine. Amen.
Photo by Dewang Gupta on Unsplash
