Broken relationships and international politics often share striking similarities. Both require clarity, sometimes even courage. The distinction between peace-making and peace-faking is essential.
History illustrates it. In September of 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain attempted to avoid war through appeasement. In a meeting with Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and Edouard Daladier, Chamberlain and other leaders allowed Germany to annex the Sudetenland, a region of Czechoslovakia, in the name of peace—without consulting the Czechs. Returning to London, Chamberlain declared, “I have achieved peace with honor. I believe it is peace for our time.”
Two years later, as Europe was engulfed in the flames of World War II, Winston Churchill lamented the failure of appeasement, stating:
“Each one hopes that if he feeds the crocodile enough, the crocodile will eat him last. All of them hope that the storm will pass before their turn comes to be devoured. But I fear greatly that the storm will not pass. It will rage and it will roar ever more loudly, ever more widely.”
Appeasement had failed catastrophically. Historians still ask: What if Chamberlain had stood firm in 1938?
The lesson from history is clear: Peace-faking–ignoring problems or delaying confrontation–often worsens the inevitable storm. The same is true in our personal relationships.
The Danger of Peace-Faking in Relationships
When conflict arises in our relationships, we often resort to appeasement. Hurt by a loved one, we may suppress our feelings, hoping the pain will dissipate with time. Yet, just like ignoring a broken car leads to more significant damage, ignoring broken relationships often exacerbates the hurt. Unaddressed grievances fester, grow, and eventually harm us and those around us.
Appeasement may feel like the easiest path, but it is rarely the right one. True peace requires dealing directly and honestly with the underlying issues. This may seem painful initially, but it is the only path to restoration and healing.
The Apostle Paul models this for us in his letter to the Corinthians, a church that had deeply hurt him. His example in 2 Corinthians 7 provides a roadmap for addressing damaged relationships.
No Peace Without Pain
Paul’s relationship with the Corinthian church was fractured. They had rejected his authority and questioned his integrity. Yet, Paul didn’t ignore the issues or offer superficial appeasement. Instead, he confronted the situation with boldness and truth. He wrote, “Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one” (2 Corinthians 7:2). He clearly stated that their rejection was groundless and invited them to reconcile.
Paul acknowledged the emotional toll of his approach: “For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that the letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting” (2 Corinthians 7:8–9). Confronting the Corinthians head-on caused temporary pain for both Paul and the church, but it ultimately bore good fruit: repentance and restoration.
The Path to Peace-Making
Paul’s handling of his broken relationship with the Corinthians provides a model for pursuing peace in our own lives. Romans 12:18 instructs us: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” True peacemaking involves more than avoiding conflict—it requires active engagement. Here are steps we can take to follow Paul’s example:
1. Address the Problem
You can’t pursue peace without clarifying the issue at the heart of the broken relationship. Ask yourself:
• Why is my spouse, child, or friend hurting?
• What did I do or say to contribute to this?
• What did I fail to do or say?
• Was something misunderstood?
Clarity is the foundation for reconciliation. Without it, attempts at peace will be superficial at best.
2. Be Ready for Fallout
Confronting the problem may initially lead to more hurt. Relationships are messy, and addressing sensitive issues can bring misunderstandings or heightened emotions. Humility is essential. Listen carefully to the other person’s concerns, and be willing to admit your mistakes.
Sometimes, involving a mediator is necessary. Paul didn’t confront the Corinthians in person—he sent a letter through Titus and waited for news. Similarly, a trusted third party can help facilitate healthy communication.
3. Patiently Pursue Peace
Restoration rarely happens overnight. It requires time, effort, and hard work. Honest, emotionally exhausting conversations are often necessary. It’s tempting to give up, declaring, “I’ve done enough.” But real peace demands perseverance.
Remember, letting go of the effort isn’t the same as achieving peace. True restoration involves walking through the messy process with patience and determination.
4. Pray Through Every Step
Paul rejoiced when his relationship with the Corinthians was restored—and you can be sure his prayers played a significant role in that outcome. He understood that reconciliation ultimately depends on God’s work in the hearts of all involved. Pray for wisdom, humility, and healing. Trust that God is able to bring peace where human efforts fall short.
5. Accept Limitations
Even with the best efforts, not every relationship will be restored. Paul acknowledges this reality in Romans 12:18 with the phrase “as far as it depends on you.” You can only control your own actions and responses, not those of others. While this is no excuse for laziness, it should temper unrealistic expectations.
Some conflicts may remain unresolved in this lifetime. In such cases, continue to pray and trust God with the outcome.
and courage.
Be a Peacemaker
The next time you face a broken relationship, resist the temptation to sweep it under the rug. Don’t appease; seek peace. Follow Paul’s example: address the problem directly, prepare for fallout, persevere through the process, pray continually, and accept the limits of what you can control.
Above all, remember that reconciliation is a reflection of God’s work in us. Christ Himself pursued peace with us when we were estranged from Him, making the ultimate sacrifice to restore our relationship. May His example inspire and guide us as we seek peace in our relationships.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
